I’m Red-beard The Pirate and I’ve helped thousands of students get killer grades with my book (and I’m even talking about the procrastinators too.)

For $4.99 you can have top-off-the-class grades or it’s free. Want to know more?

Oh boy…

I just started a guide to creating kick-ass  papers by making up a word.

That can’t be a good sign, right?

Wrong! I promise I’m making a point. 😛

It’s important you see this.

This Is How Most Students Go Horribly Wrong

Writing good essays, papers, and long answers has a perceived complexity to it.

You might sit down to write and feel stuck.

You don’t know what to start writing with.

If you’re disciplined enough to avoid getting distracted by your phone, you might eventually start a sentence.

“Phew… one sentence down…”

Does this sound familiar?

It sounds familiar to me. It’s how I wrote essays for years.

Fortunately, reality bonked me in the skull before I wasted my whole academic career bumbling around.

Sensuality & Flow Is Not Hard

Good writing comes from discipline.

It comes from that kind of hard work where you sit around and force words onto a page.

Here is the kicker:

Bad writing also comes from discipline.

Discipline is a hit or a miss strategy for writing assignments.

Sure… you can discipline yourself to put words on paper.

It’s not so easy to discipline yourself to put only the good ones down.

The good ones are the ones that give you pleasure to read and write.

How To Write Great Stuff

Great writing is some combination of two important parts:

1. Inspiration
2. Editing

You know what inspiration is, right?

It’s that feeling in your gut. It makes writing automatic.

You may have never felt inspiration writing before.

That’s okay. Later, I’ll show you how you can.

You know what inspiration feels like in some other area of your life.

Inspiration makes hard work and follow through. You just do it.

You probably know what editing is too.

Odds are, you don’t actually do much of it.

I get it. It sucks going through most crappy english papers.

Here is the thing:

Once you’re writing inspired stuff, you’re going to love rereading the awesome crap you wrote down.

That’s why your fundamental writing goal should be inspiration.

Rocket Propulsion Like Inspiration

If you’re sitting down to think about what your first sentence is then you’re not inspired.

If you’re inspired, you’ll feel your whole body convulsing while you wait for the chance to type the first sentence.

That’s the kind of inspiration you should aspire to.

Never forget: if you don’t feel compelled to write then you’re not inspired.

It’s okay to not be completely inspired every time you write but when you do it, it feels damn good!

Want to get inspired to write?

First: lets hammer out the basics.

Inspiration Is The First Degree Murder Of Boring

Well… that got gruesome fast.

Perhaps I should have added a rated R disclaimer at the start of this article.

It’s true though.

People don’t just get inspired.

They do something.

Then they get inspired.

Now is the big question:

How do you feel when you sit down to force out an essay for class the night before the test is due when you have no idea where to start?

Does it start with a ‘B’ and end with an ‘ored’?

Pretend I’m a mechanic who just listened to your intellectual engine clanking.

“Yep… That’s the problem right there…”

Take your current way of writing and NEVER EVER EVER DO IT AGAIN!

It will never let you get motivated because you’ll always be trapped in the habit of boredom.

You need to ACT. Don’t sit down to write until you’re ready to act.

On Writing (Awesome)

Any writing prompt can create an awesome paper.

What does the teacher want you to write about?

Is it a first-person essay? Or a story? Is it a college essay? Maybe it’s a persuasive essay? Could it be about some historical event?

Think about that prompt and then think, “How could I write something that I won’t hate?”

Forget about what the teacher wants.

Start by thinking about how to write something you’d prefer.

Do you need to write a story about some historical event?

Maybe you can change the perspective to add hilarity or horror.

Do you need to write a persuasive essay?

Maybe you can try to persuade some super-ridiculous point.

Do you need to write a report of a great classic novel?

Maybe you can explain how poorly written it was.

Always write awesome stuff.

Bend the prompt if you have to. You’ll still score higher for it.

If you’re bored while you’re writing, the reader will be bored reading it.

If you’re mildly amused while you’re writing, expect the reader to feel the same way.

By the way, when you write something amusing, it’s way more fun to read.

The Boring Essay Syndrome – Why Teachers LOVE This Crap

Imagine you’re stuck reading hundreds of essays like the crap you usually write.

I’m going to give you a little secret…

Reading those turds are way harder than writing them.

Your teacher is too busy contemplating the sweet relief of death, layoffs, and retirement to notice half of the details in the average student’s essay.

If you write a boring essay then you may score okay.

Teachers give good grades to boring essays.

That’s particularly true when they’re grammatically sound.

Teachers usually only give their best grades to essays they actually notice.

When you write something worth reading, your teacher will notice it.

Do this and you’ll win.

And Don’t You Forget About This Part

The next important part to a great essay is editing.

Editing is easy if you wrote the essay while inspired.

You’ll feel yourself compelled to read your work.

That’s a good sign.

Reading through it two or three times will get you most of the way to a sound essay if you know what you’re doing.

To edit it even better, don’t only edit it in one sitting.

Step away from the essay for a couple days and reread it later.

Does the essay still seem awesome?

Yes? Then you’re on track to getting an awesome grade.

Image Sources: Wikipedia, Wikipedia, Altasov, PXHere, Wikimedia, PXHere

The English Paper Desuckification Guide

Have you ever sabotaged your success doing this silly little thing?

Ever procrastinate?

You only procrastinate the stuff that sucks. You don’t say, “Ahhh… I’ll read that text from my crush later.” Nope. Now… Any pause is intentional and coordinated to respond better.

Here is the problem with academics:

You probably think most academic stuff sucks – at least a little. (Especially compared to other things you could be doing.)

And the thing is:


You’re slowly hardening your association of school and being miserable.

You need to create positive associations with academics. You want your brain to be getting hyped  up and positive when you’re thinking about studying and giving into this internal oligarchical instinct to force yourself to studying – ain’t helpin’.

Chill the internal dictator for a moment…

A big secret: You need to STOP forcing yourself to study so much.

But, if you’re not forcing yourself then how are you going to see those killer straight-a’s that you’re always dreaming about?


Get your copy of my book about How To Get Happier Straight A’s.

It only costs $4.99 (and if these strategies don’t work like magic like it has for thousands of other students then you can get a full refund.)

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